The Maid
by sumrandomperson
Summary: The Potters hire a new maid over the summer, to help out around the house. She may be a little paranoid, a tad jumpy, and quite a klutz, but she still gets the job done. She helps James with his love life and grows quite close to him in the process. She s
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

I know, I know, what am I doing, starting another story? But this has been on my mind for a LONG time. This might not be updated a lot…depending on whether or not you like it!

**Summary: The Potters hire a new maid over the summer, to help out around the house. She may be a little paranoid, a tad jumpy, and quite a klutz, but she still gets the job done. She helps James with his love life and grows quite close to him in the process. She shops with Mrs. Potter and plays cards with Mr. Potter. Then, as suddenly as she appears to them, she disappears. James has no idea what to do about Lily anymore, without Audrey there to help. Worried about what's going to happen, James heads back to school, only to find Lily acting strange around him. He tries to figure out what's bothering her, while trying to figure out his own life. Will he be able to find Audrey to help him with Lily? Or does he even need her?

* * *

**

Rain. That's all James Potter could see as he looked out of his bedroom window, located on the second floor of the Potter mansion. He had been sitting on the window seat all day, brooding about how the girl of his dreams had turned him down on platform 9 ¾.

They had just ended their sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. James had tried to make a really good impression on her that year, but she still thought he was arrogant and self centered. Yes, Lily Evans, the girl with flaming red hair and gorgeous green eyes thought he was "too in love with himself to have enough love for a girl." No joke. That was a direct quote.

James sighed, tracing his finger around her face, in the photograph she had given him. Ok, the photograph he had borrowed without her knowing. Oh, all right, it was the photograph he had stolen after she specifically told him not to ever go into her room or touch any of her stuff.

In the picture she was with her best friend, Keira Smith. They were both in their pajamas; short shorts and tank tops. It had been taken at a sleep over they'd had. James had of course cut out Keira and given her to Sirius. Sirius said he wanted it because she had a gorgeous body, but James could tell his best friend was completely in love with her. Sirius would never admit it, though. Otherwise it would ruin the reputation he had of being a player. He and James had shared the position of Top Players until James announced that he was giving up the title, to further show the love of his life how mature he was. Sirius said it was all a big mistake but took the title of Top Player, all to himself. Of course, as he said, he only did it for James. And that proved even more why he couldn't fall in love with one girl. He now had TWO reputations to keep up and balance out. Sure, James suddenly stopping the whole french–any–and–every–attractive–girl-seen thing would cause talk amongst the school. But, he had that kind of personality and power that made everyone still like and respect him anyway. Sirius did too, but if he was to suddenly drop out of the game as well, the Marauders in general would lose half of their reputation.

The Marauders consisted of four boys. James and Sirius, of course, and also Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. James was the leader, basically, and he and Sirius had been best friends since they could walk. They had met Remus and Peter the summer before their first year. Together, they had formed a pact to terrorize (and amuse) the school with pranks, up until their very last second there. At the time, they hadn't thought about the consequences, but all four immediately caught on how to make the teachers love them, be good at anything they did, make getting detention a good thing (and a competition to see who could get the most), and gain respect from the other students. Another talent they had mastered was to goof off in class, keep off homework until the period before the class it was due in, but still get excellent grades.

James was the rich kid. He had gorgeous messy black hair, adorable black framed glasses, and chocolate eyes you could get lost in. Or so most of the girls at Hogwarts said, anyway. His robes were always the blackest black, his brooms were always the newest model, and he always could afford to buy expensive presents for his girlfriends. Given, most of them were one night stands, but why quibble? He was also a Seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Because of this, he had a great body and great muscles.

Sirius was also rich, but his family hated him, and he hated them. They were supporters of the Dark Side and all of them were in Slytherin, but he had gotten sorted into Gryffindor. Sirius had sleek black hair, which he always gelled forward and eyes like the deep blue sea. Even though he and his family hated each other, they always gave him lots of money, just so he would stay out of their way. He, therefore, always had new robes and could buy expensive presents. Sirius was a Beater on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and this gave him a great body and muscles, as well.

Remus Lupin was the most interesting of the bunch. He was smarter, and more into books. He came off as quiet sometimes and into his schoolwork, but those who knew him best knew that he was really quite cunning and devious. He was half blood, unlike the other three, who were all pureblood. Remus had been bitten by a werewolf when he was four, and had been afraid of telling anyone. Only his parents and Dumbledore knew, until the rest of the Marauders had dragged it out of him in first year. They hadn't abandoned him, like he'd been afraid they would do, and instead, became Animagi, to keep him company during the full moon. James was a white stag, Sirius was a big black dog, and Peter was a little rat. They had nicknames for each other, based on their animal form. James was Prongs, Sirius was Padfoot, Peter was Wormtail, and Remus was Moony. Remus had sandy brown hair that fell into his eyes which were honey brown in color.

Peter had been the late bloomer. While the other three were full swing into liking girls and girls liking them back, he just didn't feel anything. Sure, he'd had the occasional crush, but sometimes he couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with him. No girls had ever really paid attention to him and he was very self conscious because of his weight. Peter had always been a tiny bit overweight and he never had many friends. He always blamed it on being too fat and that made him self conscious, but he finally realized in the summer before third year, that he hadn't had very littlie friends because of being fat. He had had very little friends because he was so self conscious he was too afraid to act like the other kids, for fear of being laughed at. That summer, the Marauders had become his personal trainers, and worked off those extra bits of flesh where they weren't needed. Peter finally liked the way he looked and felt better about himself, so he stood up straighter and looked more confident. That year, he had been just as popular with the girls as his friends were. They loved his blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes.

Yes, the Marauders were very interesting. They had even made a map, called the Marauders Map, which showed everyone and everything in Hogwarts, including where everyone was and passwords to secret corridors and passageways. James had gotten an Invisibility Cloak from his father on his twelfth birthday, and the Marauders used it all the times.

Now, about Lily Evans. James had had a crush on her ever since he set her hair on fire as a prank during a study hall in second year. Instead of jumping around like everyone else, trying to help her, the Marauders sat, watching. Well, Sirius, Remus, and Peter did. James had sat there with a dreamy expression on his face as he watched her being beaten with cloth and submerged in water. He then vowed, right then and there, that someday, she would be his. Unfortunately, as he found out when a sopping wet Lily slapped him hard on the face, it appeared that the way to a girl's heart was not setting her hair on fire because you thought it was a similar color. In fact, that got James way, way, WAY away from Lily's heart. She hated him, but he loved her. Enough said.

And now, let's go back to present times. Out in the rain, was a young woman, holding an umbrella over her head. She was standing across the street from the Potter mansion, gazing at the house. It was now or never. She pulled up her skirt and trudged through the puddles to the other side of the road. She approached the big oak door and raised her hand. This is where our story begins.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Omg you guys. I hate myself right now. I had the second chapter all written and the document was called pottermaid2.doc. Then I opened it and the first chapter and for some reason I thought they were the same thing. So I made a new document called pottermaid2.doc and saved it and said "Replace existing file." Then I found out that had been the second chapter…so now I have to re write it. It would have been up quicker if I wasn't so stupid…sorry!

* * *

Three loud booms resounded through the house. James looked up, startled. He glanced out of the window. He couldn't see much on account of the lousy weather, but he could tell there was a woman at the door. He knew his mom was hiring a new maid. This must be the last person to be interviewed. He sighed and stood up, abandoning the photograph. He walked down the stairs as the person knocked again. 

"I'm coming, I'm coming," James muttered. He picked up the clipboard from where his mom had left it for him on the table. James' parents had gone on vacation in the Bahamas. He hadn't wanted to go; instead he wanted to stay home and be miserable and depressed all summer.

On the paper were written questions he should ask the woman. When he typed the answers into a computer, the computer would automatically decide who should be their new maid.

Normally when James would see someone he would comb his hair, put on cologne, and maybe change his clothes. Now he did none of those things. His hair was messier than usual, he didn't smell like anything, and he was wearing baggy red sweatpants and an oversized white t-shirt.

As he came nearer to the door, his thoughts strayed back to Lily.

'_If only she would give me a chance…' _A loud clap of thunder broke him out of his reverie. He undid the lock on the door and pulled it open. There stood a woman, soaking wet and shivering. Her fist was raised; she had been about to knock again.

"Hi," said James. Her eyes widened ever so slightly.

"Hi," she said quietly. They stood there for a moment before James realized she was still out in the cold.

"Oh, come on in," he said and stepped back. She walked inside and he shut the door behind her. "So you're here to apply for the maid job?"

"Yes," she answered. She cast a drying spell on herself quickly.

"Do you want some hot chocolate?" offered James. "All the way from Spain." She smiled.

"Yeah, thanks." James grinned and walked into the kitchen. She followed him and sat down on one of the barstools at the counter. James put on the water to boil and turned back to the woman. "I guess while we're waiting, we can start the interview," he said.

"Ok," said the woman. James looked at her. She seemed so shy…yet he knew she wasn't really. She was hiding herself beneath the shy girl image…She cleared her throat. "Are you, um, going to start?" James felt his face grow warm.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Hold on," he said. He flipped through the pages and tried to find the questions. Suddenly he heard a ripping sound. "Oh crap." He had ripped one of the pages in half. It floated to the floor as the woman stifled a giggle. James bent down to pick it up and suddenly all of the papers flew out of the clipboard. He had pressed on the bar by accident. The woman let out a "ha!" of laughter.

"Do you need some help?" she asked, trying to control herself.

"No, thanks, I'm good," said James, appearing over the counter again, holding a mess of papers in his hand. He tapped them and they flew back into order. "Ok. Right, well, let's start. So, first question: oh, I probably should have asked this earlier. Ok, well what's your name?"

"Audrey Aimson," she answered.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm James."

"Hi, James."

"How you doin'?" (A/n: he said it like Joey on Friends). Audrey giggled and James grinned. "All right. So, where are you from, Audrey Aimson?"

"Well, I was born here in England, but then I moved to France."

"Why are you back in England then?"

"My parents are sending me to school here in the fall and they wanted me to be here for the summer to get used to England, and while I'm here I need a job, and this one paid well, so…yeah."

"You're still in school?" asked James. He was surprised.

"Yeah. Two more years left."

"Oh. Like me!"

"Really? Cool," said Audrey.

"How old are you?"

"I turned sixteen in April."

"Five months younger than me. Cool. Ok, next question – oh shit!" The water was boiling and overflowing. James leapt at it and turned the stove off. He poured the water into cups and added the hot chocolate. Then he handed one cup to Audrey and left one for himself. The interview continued in this fashion, until they were finally done. "All right, let's get this baby into the computer," said James. He typed the answers in. "Want to play pool until it's done?" he asked. 

"Sure," said Audrey. They were already in the "sports room" where everything sports related – except Quidditch – was in the Potter house. Mrs. Potter had gotten so tired of her husband and son always talking about sports at dinner that she had set up a special room, which was the only place they were allowed to talk about or watch sports on TV.

They took cues and stood at the pool table. Audrey was clearly waiting for James to start but he gestured for her to.

"Lady breaks," he said.

"Ok." She positioned herself and hit the cue ball. Two striped balls went in. "Guess you're solids," she said, smirking. James was a good pool player…but apparently so was Audrey. She got two more balls in, but then got a scratch. James grinned and positioned the cue ball. He got three balls in. Then the computer made a beeping sound and he turned back to it. Behind him, he could hear Audrey sink another two balls but didn't pay attention. The computer was writing the name of their new maid.

"Audrey!" James exclaimed happily. "You're our new maid!"

"Really? That's awesome!" said Audrey, doing a victory dance.

"Yeah!" said James, his back still to her. "I guess I'll give you the tour later though."

After she finished dancing, she said "Now, let's play pool." James turned back around to see her getting ready to shoot the eight ball in.

"Oh yeah," she said, smirking. "You have no idea what you're up against." She sunk the ball in with ease. "Play again?"


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Bakuscrazdfangrl: You're saying you're disappointed by the story and it's dull…but you're hoping for an update soon? Is that supposed to be a flame or a good review?

**This was a short chapter, I know, and I didn't really like it. But I had to update and I guess it's not that bad. Tell me what you guys think.

* * *

**

Two weeks passed. James' parents had come back from their vacation, loved Audrey, and immediately went back to work. James and Audrey had become good friends, and she was fitting in great.

James awoke late on Tuesday morning. The sun was already shining full blast and the birds were tweeting away.

He rolled over to look at the clock. Noticing it was almost 1:00 PM, he groaned and stumbled out of bed. Obviously not a morning person, James walked down the stairs slowly for lunch. Sirius was supposed to come over today, after having spent the last couple of weeks with his parents trying to fix him up with a "nice Slytherin girl." James didn't know when he would be coming though. Knowing Sirius and his situation at home, he could be there at 12:00 AM, the very second it switched to a new day.

James walked into the kitchen, not looking around at his surroundings. He opened various cabinets until he had a bowl, spoon, and a box of cereal. He got milk out of the refrigerator and started to prepare his meal.

"A little late for breakfast, James?" came a voice amusedly from the corner. James didn't even look up.

"Hey, Sirius," he said. "What's up?" He grabbed the bowl (now full of cereal and milk) and his spoon and hopped on the island (A/n: is that what they're called? You know, when there's just like this counter in the middle of the kitchen, not attached to anything?) to sit across from his friend. Sirius already had some toast in his hand and was at the table.

"Mum and Dad got in a fight again," he said, with a tone that said he didn't really care.

"What was it about this time?" asked James while chewing his cereal.

"I have no fucking clue," said Sirius lightly. "Something about how he's bringing Regulus into everything too early." There was a faint trace of a smile on his lips. He paused for a second. "Oh, they are so going to hell," he said more to himself than to his companion. James snorted.

"Amen to that," he said and raised his hands, bringing his bowl up as well. He knew Sirius wouldn't get mad for that statement – Sirius hated his parents more than anything. He hadn't had a good childhood; they hated him and just ignored him. This caused an unfixable tear in their relationship.

Sirius laughed in agreement and raised his glass of orange juice.

"Well, good afternoon, boys," said a voice suddenly from the doorway. When Sirius saw Audrey, his mouth dropped.

"James! You had a girl spend the night? Yeah!" He raised his hand for a high five.

"Nah, she's the new maid," said James, smirking slightly at her. "Mornin', Audrey." She looked him over and raised an eyebrow.

"Morning indeed," she mumbled amusedly. James looked at himself. He was still only in his boxers. His cheeks turned slightly pink but he stayed where he was. Audrey went about, cleaning the kitchen.

"How come you didn't tell me about her?" said Sirius, eyeing Audrey as she bent down to rub a spot on the floor.

"I did! Remember, I told you we hired her two weeks ago," said James.

"Oh. Riiiight," said Sirius, remembering. "She's hott," he whispered to James.

"Shut up," James said and pushed him lightly. He finished off his cereal and got off the counter. He grabbed Sirius' cup of orange juice (which he was just bringing up to his mouth) and dumped everything into the sink.

Sirius got up and followed his friend out of the kitchen, giving Audrey a wink on the way.

They ventured into the living room where there was a huge plasma TV. James plopped down onto the couch and started flipping through the channels. Sirius joined him.

"So, James," he began, "what's up with Lily?" James flinched slightly.

"I don't know," he answered miserably. "It's not like she likes me at all, right? I have no chance of getting together with her, _ever, _and she's made that perfectly clear. Should I just give up?" Sirius' eyes widened.

"Are you serious?" he asked incredulously.

"Nope, that's you," James joked, not wanting to make a big deal about Lily anymore.

Sirius ignored him.

"But…don't you love her?" James turned solemn again.

"Well…yeah. But she doesn't love me. And what good is one sided love? I should have taken the hint a long time ago and just stopped. I could have found someone else by now."

"But you _want_ to love Lily! You always have – that's why you never gave up. Isn't it?" said Sirius quietly.

"Yeah. But like I said there's no point. You can't always have what you want. And I don't want to let myself love her when I can't have her love in return, you know? I mean, it's too much, worrying about her when she's out or hurt and hating every guy she goes out with. What have I done to deserve that burden? I'd be glad to do it if she felt the same way…but obviously she doesn't."

"James, you know…I – I never had any idea exactly how much you felt for her and how deep you could be…do you think about this a lot?"

"Yeah," answered James softly. They watched MTV for a while silently until he spoke again. "Why are we suddenly so quiet and solemn? That's not like us!"

Sirius perked up.

"Yeah! We have better ways to deal with this. Come on, let's go get drunk."

The two teens went up to James' room where he had a secret stash of firewisky (sp?). Sirius poured it into the shot glasses.

"Cheers," he said and they clinked their glasses together. They downed the fiery alcohol and loaded up once more.

* * *

A couple of hours later found James and Sirius passed out on the floor and bed in James' room. A loud knocking on the door finally woke James up.

"James? Sirius?" called Mrs. Potter. James blearily opened one eye.

"Yeah?" he responded weakly.

"Are you all right in there?"

"Yeah!"

"Ok, well…your father and I are home. Dinner's soon, so come on down!" said Mrs. Potter, still sounding worried.

"Ok!" James heard the sound of her retreating footsteps and rolled over onto his back. "Ow!" he moaned as he felt something hard pressing into him. He reached his hand under and retrieved a shot glass. He groaned and tried to get up. Feeling dizzy, he held onto the bed frame.

Sirius was lying on the bed with one arm hanging over the side. In his hand was an almost empty bottle of firewisky. James was about to wake up his friend when he felt a throbbing pain in his head. He moaned and staggered into the bathroom. He knelt down by the toilet and threw up.

* * *

Soon both Sirius and James had taken the hangover potion in his medicine cabinet. The potion took some of the effects of alcohol away, including the headache, so that the drinker could act normally. However, they would still be a tiny bit drunk, noticeably enough for someone who was professional enough to detect it.

"James! Sirius!" James' dad hollered up the stairs. "Come on! Dinner's ready!"

"We're COMING!" shouted James. Sirius was putting away the glasses and bottle, while James walked over to the window. He sat down at the window seat for a moment, glancing at the darkening sky.

He suddenly heard a crinkling sound. Shifting slightly, he pulled out a photograph from under him. It was the picture of Lily. He hadn't looked at it again since he hired Audrey. James stared at it for a second. Then he opened the window and threw it out.

"Come on, let's go," said Sirius. James nodded and followed him downstairs.

Outside, the picture of the smiling girl floated father and farther away. Deep into the woods that surrounded the property it went, taking James' love with it.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Or Fireball, a game I stole from "Friends" but I changed it, kind of, because they never explained exactly how it works.

After a night of drinking and partying with their Muggle friends, Sirius and James were lounging around the house, trying to think of something to do. They were in the living room, lying on couches across from each other.

"Poker?" Sirius suggested, throwing a blue tennis ball at James.

"Naw," James responded, sending the ball back.

"Blackjack?" Sirius tossed the ball back to James.

"No." Back to Sirius.

"Pool?" Back to James.

"No." The ball flew at Sirius.

"Roulette?" James barely caught it.

"No." Sirius didn't throw the ball this time.

"Belly dancing lessons?" he offered.

"N – what the fuck, Padfoot?" James stared incredulously at his friend.

"Just seeing if you were listening," Sirius shrugged, tossing the ball back with ease. James sat up and pelted it straight at Sirius's head. "Hey!" he exclaimed. James ignored him.

"What's with you and gambling anyway?" he asked.

"Well, what else are we supposed to do?" Sirius grumbled, sitting up as well. He threw the ball again, rubbing his head. Just as James was about to send it back, he suddenly stopped, staring at the blue sphere in his hand.

"I think I might have an idea…."

-o0o-

Five minutes later found James and Sirius standing in the Entrance Hall, both wearing oven mitts and goggles. They had dragged an end table to the middle of the room, on which they had perched a makeshift catapult – that is, a book and a ladle. On the floor was a salad bowl, about ten feet from the table.

"Ready?" James asked Sirius.

"Oh, I'm ready," Sirius said, grinning. He picked up a can of hairspray (Madam Hilda's Super Strong, All Day Long Spray), which he swore he had never seen before and just stumbled upon upstairs, and sprayed it all over the tennis ball. This was due to lack of any kind of lighter fuel, which they couldn't conjure. Then he carefully placed the ball in the ladle. Having decided it was more fun the Muggle way ("It's like a little challenge," James had said), Sirius picked up his box of matches and lit one. Looking at it with relish, he tossed it on top of the tennis ball. Immediately it burst into flames.

James waited for a second, attempting to aim his shot perfectly and then brought his fist down mightily on the handle of the ladle. The duo watched in awe as the flaming ball flew through the air, missed the bowl completely, and rolled into the living room, where a curtain ignited.

"Horrendous," Sirius said as he headed towards the flames with a fire extinguisher. "Absolutely terrible."

"Well you do it then, if you're so bloody brilliant," James grumbled.

"Oh, I will," Sirius replied. As soon as the fire was put out he shoved the extinguisher into James's arms and went to look for the ball. He came back moments later, carrying the blackened thing, and placed it on the table. "Ready when you are," he said, adjusting his goggles.

James picked up the can of hairspray and sprayed the ball. He then dropped it into the ladle and let a lighted match fall on top.

Sirius was concentrating mightily and so was completely thrown off when a shriek split the air behind him, just as he let the ball fly. Needless to say, it did not go on course. Due to the distraction, the ball veered right, breaking a vase and enkindling the rug as soon as it touched the ground. James rushed forward with the extinguisher as Sirius whipped around.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS!?" Audrey shouted, eyes as wide as they could go and mouth hanging open. "What are you DOING!?"

"Fireball," Sirius answered reproachfully. "And I _would_ have had the perfect shot if you hadn't interrupted!"

"Are you crazy?" Audrey asked, looking very sincere. "I mean, really, are you crazy?"

James strolled over to join them.

"Wanna play?" he asked.

Audrey glared at him. "You're joking, right?" she asked furiously.

"Come on, it's fun!"

Audrey continued to stare at them both – James looking at her cheerfully and Sirius still seeming rather miffed – unsure of what to say.

"You must be insane," she finally said. "Both of you. I am not taking part in your ridiculous game. You're going to burn down the entire house. Okay? You're not playing anymore." With that, she vanished the ball and grabbed the book and the ladle. As she stalked down the hall, the pair could still hear her muttering about getting the scorch marks out of the utensil.

"Well that was fun while it lasted," Sirius said, heading back to his previous spot on the couch.

"You know," James said, following his fellow Marauder. "You rather suck at Fireball too."

"That was because of Audrey!" Sirius cried indignantly.

"Sure it was, Padfoot, sure it was."

-o0o-

A couple days later brought a sudden realization upon the Potters: Sirius hadn't gone home in weeks.

"Hey, Sirius," James said curiously one night as they sat around a bonfire they had made with their Muggle friends.

"Yeah?" Sirius asked.

"You realize you haven't left my house in, like, three weeks?"

"Your point?" Sirius suddenly seemed on edge.

"Don't get me wrong," James said hastily. "Having you here has been great. I mean, it'd be awesome if you lived here or something. But aren't your parents going to come after you? You know, maybe with an army of Death Eaters?"

Sirius grinned slightly. "Don't hold your breath," he answered. There was a short silence between them.

"Hey," James said brightly after a while. "Why don't you just live here then? With us? I mean, you practically are already. I'm sure Mum and Dad won't mind."

"You serious?"

"No, that's you," James joked.

"Shut up. That'd be great, though. Are you sure your parents won't mind?"

"Nah, they love you. Besides, like I said, you've pretty much moved in already."

Sirius looked at James.

"Man, in all seriousness here – shut up about that pun already – this means a lot to me. I mean, really…thank you so much." After a moment more of silence, James began flapping his hands.

"Oh, God, look at me, I'm tearing up!" he cried, mock weeping as he pulled Sirius into a hug.

"You're a prat," Sirius pointed out as he struggled to pull away.

"I love you baby," James sniffed. He reached out for Sirius's hand.

"No, no, don't do that," Sirius protested, snatching his hand away. But James scooted closer to him on the log they were sitting on. Sirius leapt out of the way. James batted his eyelashes up at his friend. "I'm leaving now, you freak."

"Sirius!" James called as he began walking away. "Don't leave me! I need you!"

"Prat," Sirius mumbled, albeit grinning, under his breath as he ran away, James hot on his heels.

-o0o-

"So, Audrey," Sirius said slyly as he sidled up to the raven-haired girl. She was trying to clean one of the numerous bookcases in the mansion. "Now that I'm living here, it must be even harder to resist me, eh?"

Audrey turned to him, her pale blue eyes amused. "I'll do my best, moron – I mean Sirius."

"I'd take offense to that if it was from someone less beautiful than you."

Audrey rolled her eyes.

"What do you want, Sirius?" she asked, straining to reach the top shelf.

"I just wanted to ask…are my undies showing?"

Audrey stopped trying to get the shelf and stared at the person beside her. "Uh, no," she said.

"Would you like them to?" Sirius grinned as Audrey burst into laughter. "Hey, if you like that," he said, "I've got plenty more where it came from."

"Please," Audrey said in between peals of laughter, "Enlighten me."

"Well, all right." Sirius wiped the smile off his face and stared at her intently. "Hey," he said softly. "Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?" After a moment they both were cracking up again.

"Okay, okay," Audrey said, still grinning. "I have to get back to work."

"Fine then," said Sirius. "I guess I'll leave you be." He began walking away but was stopped by her voice.

"Hey, Sirius," she said. "Please tell me you don't actually use those lines on girls."

"What can I say, they work on most girls at school, believe it or not. Therefore I don't have a need to think of clever ones. But don't worry; if I'm really interested in a girl I don't tend to start laughing after hitting on her. You're just not girlfriend material."

"Hey! Not cool!" Audrey called after him and aimed a hex at him.

"You know I'm joking, don't pretend you're that dumb," Sirius said, dodging the spell. "Anywho, I'll leave you to your work. See you around." With a wink, he disappeared down the hall.

-o0o-

"So, I reckon I should call Keira. I mean, she'll want to know I've moved," Sirius said three days later.

"Go for it," James said amusedly. Audrey was in the corner of the room, watering various plants.

"Right." Sirius picked up the telephone (the Potters had many Muggle things as James's parents felt the best way to survive in the world was to know how Muggles lived too) and stared blankly at the receiver. "So I press something on the, er, fellytone…" He jabbed at some buttons and pressed the phone to his ear. "HELLO!" he shouted, causing James to jump, as a woman's voice began speaking. "HEY! YOU'RE NOT KEIRA!"

"Sirius!" James bellowed. "You don't have to shout! She can hear you perfectly well if you speak normally!" He grabbed the phone, glaring at his friend. Sirius shrugged. James pressed the phone to his own ear.

"I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed," said a woman's voice.

"Moron," James said to Sirius as he hung up the phone. "You didn't dial right. Hang on – do you even know Keira's phone number?"

Sirius stared at him. "I thought you just pressed the buttons and it would call whoever you wanted."

"Honestly," James sighed. "Your level of stupidity astonishes even me sometimes."

"Well, sorry," Sirius snapped. "Not all of us were raised with Muggle fellytones and computs and tellyvisions!"

"First of all," James said, failing to hide his annoyance. "It's telephones and computers and televisions. Second of all, you're a wizard. Keira's a witch. Sure, she's half Muggle. But that doesn't mean you have to phone her. Send her a bloody owl."

Sirius grumbled something unintelligible and reached for a piece of parchment. As he was writing, Audrey plopped down next to him on the couch, having finished with the plants. Not hiding the fact that she was reading what he was writing, she rolled her eyes.

"Honestly," she said as Sirius tied the letter to his owl's leg, "You have no idea how to talk to girls, do you?"

"Be quiet," Sirius said and sent the owl off. Keira didn't live very far away and, therefore, her response came quickly. Sirius had written:

_Hey Keira, babe. _

_Just thought you might like to know that I've moved to the Potters'. This works to your advantage since the house is so big we can easily sneak you in. Seeing as how you want to get in my pants so badly._

_Sincerely,_

_The Ever Sexy Sirius Black_

To which Keira had replied:

_Dear Black._

_The house may be big, but I have heard from many sources that you, in fact, are not. Therefore, I'm afraid we'll have to cancel our rendezvous. Your little wand can't perform the magic necessary._

_-KS_

Sirius's mouth dropped open as Audrey read the letter out loud to James, struggling to hide her amusement.

"Sorry, mate," James said sniggering. "I mean, there's always the Engorgement Charm…"

"Shut up, it's not true!" Sirius cried and began scribbling furiously.

_I don't know who told you that but it is _not_ true! I will march on over there right now and show you how untrue it is if you'd like!_

_My wand is not small, _

_-SS (Sexy Sirius)_

The reply was there within minutes.

_Sexy Sirius? I thought SS stood for Severus Snape. Maybe you are one and the same. You are rather alike. Or maybe you just fancy him. _

_-KS_

Sirius began writing again as soon as he read this.

_If you ever say something vile like that again, I will curse you. And how can you compare me to SNAPE!? I am gorgeous. He is an overgrown bat. Enough said. _

_-The Amazingly Awesome Sirius Black_

Sirius's owl was back again, looking rather disgruntled at being sent back and forth this way.

_If it makes you feel better, please, keep telling yourself that you are gorgeous. _

Sirius was not pleased. It was time to take control of the situation.

_Well I know one thing for sure. You really are gorgeous. By the way, the word of the day is "legs." What do you say you come over here and we spread the word?_

Sirius smugly sent the letter out. If he knew one thing about Keira it was that she didn't like to hear these types of things. Sirius knew he had won when he read the response that came nearly a half hour later. It was only one word.

_Git._

-o0o-

**Please review!**

**So this story is turning into kind of a lot of random events. I will stick to the original story line though, don't worry. But I'll be adding note passing and mail (like in this chapter) and general random Maraudery things. Hope you like it and tell me if you don't.**


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